A
abujagirl
Guest
I'm passing in about 2 weeks. It only makes sense that i chronicle some of my encounters with Lagos ageberos [motor park tout, bus conductors 
] before i leave.
The other week, an agbero at the mini park close to Lekki Phase 1 gate called me 'ashewo' and i grabbed his shirt. Surprised? I was equally surprised. You see, over the years i've grown thick skin to men who causally call any girl 'ashewo'. I've even been known to say 'thank you' or 'god bless you', when men scream 'ashewo'. But somehow i wasn't in the mood for that nonsense that morning.
'Why did he call me Ashewo?' , because i passed the bike men lined in front, went behind, climbed onto a bike of my choice and refused to disembark and climb onto another bike in front.
He was more shocked than angry when i grabbed his shirt. You see, i look like an ajebo, the kind of girl who runs away from cockroaches but here i was grabbing an agbero's shirt.
''Your mama na ashewo, your papa na thief'', i said to his face.
''Madam leave my shirt,'' he countered.
''You are a bastard,'' i continued. I really have no chill sometimes. After about two minutes of madness, the Chairman of their bike union who was around on Inspection came up to me.
''Madam please forgive him,'' the union leader said.
As i freed the agberos shirt, the man driving the bike i was sitting on all through my period of temporal insanity was ordered to take me to my destination free of charge. So, i guess i won the battle and N100.
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You know this stuff Lagos conductors and bus drivers like to do - collect money before the bus moves. After collecting the money they misbehave throughout the trip or drop you before/after your busstop.
I had been tolerating their nonsense until one extremely sunny evening, when i said ''No more''. So, this conductor suddenly realizes he cannot get to VGC anymore after collecting me. He said he would drop me at a bus stop few metres away and i should stroll down.
''Oga you go balance me,'' i said quietly. Dude ignored me and i held my peace. I was seating quite close to him so i began to strategize. When we reached the point of the road where they cut off and head away from my destination, i calmly tapped him ''Oga give me my balance and drop me hear''. He acted deaf again.
I let them drive away. Just when he wasn't expected i yanked off some money he was holding on his hand . The move prompted the driver to stop.
The driver then began to scream. ''Madam abeg remove your balance, give him the rest and come down''. I removed my balance, handed the conductor the rest and was almost out of the bus when the conductor raised a hand to slap me. Thank God for quick reflexes and a guy inside the bus who had been supporting my cause.
I blocked the conductors hand and the guy landed him a sharp slap on the head.
''You wan slap woman?,'' the guy sternly asked the conductor who ignored him.
''Ashewo'' the conductor screamed at me.
''Like you mama,'' i replied walking off victorious.
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Yesterday, the bus i boarded broke down less than 5 minutes from the bus stop. It was drizzling and the driver and conductor yelled at everyone to come down so they could push the bus.
Me: You people are even shouting sef, i'm not coming down in this rain
Push me with the bus
Two other girls stayed behind with me while the rest of the passengers joined to help get the bus back on the road. ''I cannot be helping you push bus,'' i yelled at the conductor when he came back to complain after the bus have moved.
''Yeye,'' one of the girls called him.
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Enough of the agbero story. Have i mentioned that Balogun market is now my best destination in Lagos? . Good lawd!, i love that market. Why did i take so long to discover that market? - that question will haunt me forever. You can buy almost anything there. I spend hours there and never get tired. I really love spending my money at Balogun. The air, the crowd, the noise - everything about that market just appeals to me. Patiently waiting for NYSC final allawee so i can go spend it at Balogun market. God bless NYSC and God bless Balogun Market.
] before i leave.The other week, an agbero at the mini park close to Lekki Phase 1 gate called me 'ashewo' and i grabbed his shirt. Surprised? I was equally surprised. You see, over the years i've grown thick skin to men who causally call any girl 'ashewo'. I've even been known to say 'thank you' or 'god bless you', when men scream 'ashewo'. But somehow i wasn't in the mood for that nonsense that morning.
'Why did he call me Ashewo?' , because i passed the bike men lined in front, went behind, climbed onto a bike of my choice and refused to disembark and climb onto another bike in front.
He was more shocked than angry when i grabbed his shirt. You see, i look like an ajebo, the kind of girl who runs away from cockroaches but here i was grabbing an agbero's shirt.
''Your mama na ashewo, your papa na thief'', i said to his face.
''Madam leave my shirt,'' he countered.
''You are a bastard,'' i continued. I really have no chill sometimes. After about two minutes of madness, the Chairman of their bike union who was around on Inspection came up to me.
''Madam please forgive him,'' the union leader said.
As i freed the agberos shirt, the man driving the bike i was sitting on all through my period of temporal insanity was ordered to take me to my destination free of charge. So, i guess i won the battle and N100.
---------------
You know this stuff Lagos conductors and bus drivers like to do - collect money before the bus moves. After collecting the money they misbehave throughout the trip or drop you before/after your busstop.
I had been tolerating their nonsense until one extremely sunny evening, when i said ''No more''. So, this conductor suddenly realizes he cannot get to VGC anymore after collecting me. He said he would drop me at a bus stop few metres away and i should stroll down.
''Oga you go balance me,'' i said quietly. Dude ignored me and i held my peace. I was seating quite close to him so i began to strategize. When we reached the point of the road where they cut off and head away from my destination, i calmly tapped him ''Oga give me my balance and drop me hear''. He acted deaf again.
I let them drive away. Just when he wasn't expected i yanked off some money he was holding on his hand . The move prompted the driver to stop.
The driver then began to scream. ''Madam abeg remove your balance, give him the rest and come down''. I removed my balance, handed the conductor the rest and was almost out of the bus when the conductor raised a hand to slap me. Thank God for quick reflexes and a guy inside the bus who had been supporting my cause.
I blocked the conductors hand and the guy landed him a sharp slap on the head.
''You wan slap woman?,'' the guy sternly asked the conductor who ignored him.
''Ashewo'' the conductor screamed at me.
''Like you mama,'' i replied walking off victorious.
---------------------------------------
Yesterday, the bus i boarded broke down less than 5 minutes from the bus stop. It was drizzling and the driver and conductor yelled at everyone to come down so they could push the bus.
Me: You people are even shouting sef, i'm not coming down in this rain
Push me with the busTwo other girls stayed behind with me while the rest of the passengers joined to help get the bus back on the road. ''I cannot be helping you push bus,'' i yelled at the conductor when he came back to complain after the bus have moved.
''Yeye,'' one of the girls called him.
--------------------------------------------------
Enough of the agbero story. Have i mentioned that Balogun market is now my best destination in Lagos? . Good lawd!, i love that market. Why did i take so long to discover that market? - that question will haunt me forever. You can buy almost anything there. I spend hours there and never get tired. I really love spending my money at Balogun. The air, the crowd, the noise - everything about that market just appeals to me. Patiently waiting for NYSC final allawee so i can go spend it at Balogun market. God bless NYSC and God bless Balogun Market.
